It is amazing to me how these two events can bring out the best and the worst in people. We have had way too many funerals in recent years and there are several stories I could share about the assholes who were brought to the surface when these events took place. At the same time, people stepped up and helped one another and the acts of true friendship and family could be found during the hard times. However, some relationships were completely severed and may never be healed as a result.
Emotions run high and people will say and do things that you would never imagine…both good and bad. A kinder part of someone will emerge and we are surprised by the broken heart and can take mercy on that person when we see the real pain that has been pushed down for so long. On the other hand, you have those who are always sweet, reserved and you feel can be relied on… turn into the meanest, most belligerent, unkind folks to walk the earth. Some facades fall and other walls are built. It is unpredictable.
Case in point: Our daughter is getting married next week and we are facing this challenge again. The ones whom we thought for sure would be supportive of this event and come are choosing to be hateful and uncaring of feelings. They will regret their decisions. My child is my mother’s first granddaughter and probably the only one she will live long enough to see get married. Her only other grandchildren are less than 2 years old which will put her somewhere in her 90’s when/if they walk down the aisle. She has chosen not to be at the nuptials in spite of my daughter calling to ask her to please be there. My mother was sent an invitation as well. She is welcome and we were all hoping this event could be a time of healing and joy for this family. I guess she hates me and my husband too much. She claims we have always been mean to her and for the life of me, I can’t figure out how or why she thinks this way. I know she has a skewed version of the truth of some situations but her memory is truly flawed. She has conveniently forgotten all of the things we have done for her over the years and tells everyone how mean we are. Well, those who know us and people who are close to us know the truth.
I am not going to list all of the things she has accused me of or why she believes I am the source of all her pain. It isn’t worth my time or abuse to my psyche to relive the hateful and horrible things she has said.
My mother probably has a true mental problem. I feel sorry for her. But I have learned to stay away knowing her toxicity is not healthy for me or my family. I pray for her, I love her and I have never told my daughter not to see her or have a relationship especially since she is my daughter’s only living grandmother. I have warned her though. And unfortunately my mother has proven me right. I know my mother loves her, but she thinks she is punishing my daughter or the rest of us by not coming to the wedding. She is only punishing herself and I believe she will regret her decision. It only makes her look bad because when people ask…. And they will… we will tell them the truth. Everyone who knows my mother also knows her problems and they will be sad, but will understand. They will also feel sorry for her.
We are not going to allow it to ruin this joyous occasion but I am sad because I am afraid the next time I see my mother… it will be her funeral 😦