An empty Inbox and time on my hands… what to do!! I had several emails sitting in my box for weeks because I just love reading blogs from my friends and leaving comments. I don’t get to do that very often and so they will sit until I have time to read through and put in my two cents worth. Today was one of those days.
Now that school is done for the semester I will have more time to write this summer. I promise to post more and get back to my flash fiction.
I appreciate my loyal followers and my new ones!! Thanks so much for hanging out!
“Mom, there is something wrong with the Birch tree!”
“Oh no, what’s wrong with it?” Mom comes over and looks out the window with her daughter and sees clear liquid dripping from the bare branches and grins.
Seeing no humor in the situation, Dalyn starts to tear up. The tree was oozing from every twig.
Wiping a tear away from her daughter’s cheek she says, “There is nothing wrong with your tree sweetheart. That is what it does when it is sad. It misses the warm summer weather. All will be well in the spring.”
As I strolled along the ancient paths through the city, I could see the imprints in the stones of those who walked before me. The vines climbed the walls and the shutters banged hard against the walls from the wind. This town was founded in 1268 under the rule of Alfons von Kastilien of the House of Burgundy who would come to see his mistress in the dead of night and lay with her.
The court will convene tomorrow to finalize my lineage so I can take the throne on my 21st birthday. I still wonder how they tracked me down.
I am SO DONE with one sided relationships!!! I have a lot of “friends”. I have the ones who look over the edge of the hole I may be in and ask me how I got there in the first place (judgmental “friends”). I have the ones who hand me a ladder and tell me to get out of the hole (sympathetic “friends”)… then I have the ones who will get in the hole with me, freak out and blame me for being in the hole (drama “friends”)! Then we are BOTH there and miserable together.. ugh!
Then there are the ones who will climb into the hole with me, hold my hand, tell me it’s going to be OK and support me while I find my way out of the hole. They aren’t really IN the hole, they are just empathetic to my circumstances and will love me no matter where I am. They don’t bail the first time they see that I am in trouble. They don’t run away or get disillusioned when they see me in a valley and avoid me until I am in a better place. These friends are very few and far between and my circle is extremely small. They are also the ones you can call on to help you move a body. (follow link) I know who I can count on during these times and I also forgive those who cannot be that person. They are dealing with their own valleys and need those of us who can love them where they are. The ironic part about me is that I am that person for so many because that is the type of friend I am and I do not mind helping others. But is it too much to ask to have others do that for me? Am I being selfish by wanting people to be there for me?
Over the years, I have given and given and done and done and DONE! So I guess I have inadvertently created this illusion that I don’t need anyone. Is that what I have done?? I am tired… I am tired of being the only one who gives to some who only take. They make little or no effort. Weeks will go by with no word.. until I am the one who reaches out. I am the one who travels to see them with no reciprocation. I have made the effort to be there for specific occasions any time I am needed with no one to return the same effort. Now, I do have the freedom to do this when others do not and I appreciate that so again, that is easier to forgive. But after almost 8 years, I am done expecting anyone to change this behavior.
Life has its ups and downs, valleys and mountains, highs and lows… etc. There is no way to avoid some things that happen to you and around you. Even if you are just sitting at home watching TV minding your own business, a sink hole can open up below you and swallow your house. But when we go through the trials of life, it is then when we find out who truly cares about us. The ones who pick up the phone and CALL you to see how you are doing or at least send a text and check on you; they are the ones who you can say “Those are my people” because they know you would do the same and HAVE done the same for them. It is nice to know someone is praying for you and sending you good thoughts and energy. This is how you get through the lows, valleys and downs in life. That is why it is important to make friends but you can’t stop there! You have to cultivate that friendship. You have to pay attention and feed it just like any relationship! It is not one-sided! It takes effort on both sides…. Those same friends are the ones who are there to share all of the joys and celebrations too.
One of the things I have had to come to terms with is “out of sight, out of mind”. People do not mean to forget you, but they do because you are not there. They go on with their lives and make new friends and you make new friends and there is no malice involved. It is just the way of the world. I also appreciate that my mindfulness of friendships is a foreign concept to most. Everyone gets so busy with their lives that time passes and suddenly it is years later and you haven’t seen or heard from someone in months. No one is mad at anyone else, it just happens. The hard part is not getting your feelings hurt when someone moves away or you are the one who left and no one stays in touch. So the solution? Just make new friends where you are, put forth the effort to the ones who are close by now and understand that everyone goes on with their lives and cherish the time you have together because for everything there is a season. The ones from the past are missing out on someone who was their friend all along…
Soo.. a fellow blogger issued a challenge to me. Thanks Eli! I could come up with all kinds of excuses why I haven’t written anything as of late, but they would be lame and unoriginal.
The truth is I am not really sure why I haven’t written lately. Before graduation I had school to use as an excuse and that was legit. Between papers, books and projects, it really lent very little time to the indulgence of writing for “me” which is how I see blogging. Don’t get me wrong, I write! I just don’t post… I wrote book reviews, political analysis and political reflections for my classes which I really enjoyed. I wrote essays and projects on Presidential assassinations which I also loved doing but I also started a piece on boxes. Hmmm… why would you write about boxes you ask? Well, it is something that has been floating around in my head for a few days, months… ok years! And I finally got around to putting it down on paper. It is my go to analogy.
Once upon a time there was a book written by Bill and Pam Farrel called Men are like Waffles-Women are like Spaghetti. In it, they describe the psyche of men and women perfectly (in my opinion). Basically they say men are like waffles because they can compartmentalize every aspect of their life….job, family, parents, kids, football, yardwork… etc you get the idea. No matter what compartment they are operating in, they can keep it (and the emotions) separate from all of the other compartments and the twain shall never meet! But that isn’t the way women are wired. We are like spaghetti because we are all over the plate and EVERYTHING is connected! Ahhhh!
Personally I happen to think we are all a little bit of both. I have known some women who are champions at sectioning off parts of themselves from other things and people. I do that to some degree. However, I have also known men who are like spaghetti and all over the place! Drives me nuts! I think the best way for all of us to operate is to not only understand how the other sex is wired, but also try to be more like both, waffles and spaghetti. Women should learn to put things into boxes while knowing everything we do, see, feel and touch is connected to us. MEN.. You guys need to understand how we think! We don’t usually put things in boxes and separate them from the other stuff. To us when you forget to call on your way home, to say you will be late, that it tells us you do not care how it has affected A LOT of things and has caused a domino effect you are totally oblivious to. So when you walk in the door and we are angry at you, it is about MUCH more than simply forgetting to call even if it was totally innocent and had never happened before. If we yell at you on the phone about being late, we probably don’t truly care so much that you are late; we see that as a symbol of not caring for our feelings. The real problem lies in the fact that WE have no clue that is why we are yelling at you so how can we possibly get YOU to understand why we are yelling at you. All you know is someone is yelling so you are going to yell back! Sound familiar???
Bottom line! I am doing some research and working on expanding my box analogy to help people figure out what their boxes are and how to utilize them the best way. In other words….? Learn from what I have figured out on how to deal with life and not have the stupid clown jumping out of your box unannounced and slapping us because we forgot we stuffed the damn thing down and tried to pretend it wasn’t there. Pop goes the weasel!