I am SO DONE with one sided relationships!!! I have a lot of “friends”. I have the ones who look over the edge of the hole I may be in and ask me how I got there in the first place (judgmental “friends”). I have the ones who hand me a ladder and tell me to get out of the hole (sympathetic “friends”)… then I have the ones who will get in the hole with me, freak out and blame me for being in the hole (drama “friends”)! Then we are BOTH there and miserable together.. ugh!
Then there are the ones who will climb into the hole with me, hold my hand, tell me it’s going to be OK and support me while I find my way out of the hole. They aren’t really IN the hole, they are just empathetic to my circumstances and will love me no matter where I am. They don’t bail the first time they see that I am in trouble. They don’t run away or get disillusioned when they see me in a valley and avoid me until I am in a better place. These friends are very few and far between and my circle is extremely small. They are also the ones you can call on to help you move a body. (follow link) I know who I can count on during these times and I also forgive those who cannot be that person. They are dealing with their own valleys and need those of us who can love them where they are. The ironic part about me is that I am that person for so many because that is the type of friend I am and I do not mind helping others. But is it too much to ask to have others do that for me? Am I being selfish by wanting people to be there for me?
Over the years, I have given and given and done and done and DONE! So I guess I have inadvertently created this illusion that I don’t need anyone. Is that what I have done?? I am tired… I am tired of being the only one who gives to some who only take. They make little or no effort. Weeks will go by with no word.. until I am the one who reaches out. I am the one who travels to see them with no reciprocation. I have made the effort to be there for specific occasions any time I am needed with no one to return the same effort. Now, I do have the freedom to do this when others do not and I appreciate that so again, that is easier to forgive. But after almost 8 years, I am done expecting anyone to change this behavior.
Life has its ups and downs, valleys and mountains, highs and lows… etc. There is no way to avoid some things that happen to you and around you. Even if you are just sitting at home watching TV minding your own business, a sink hole can open up below you and swallow your house. But when we go through the trials of life, it is then when we find out who truly cares about us. The ones who pick up the phone and CALL you to see how you are doing or at least send a text and check on you; they are the ones who you can say “Those are my people” because they know you would do the same and HAVE done the same for them. It is nice to know someone is praying for you and sending you good thoughts and energy. This is how you get through the lows, valleys and downs in life. That is why it is important to make friends but you can’t stop there! You have to cultivate that friendship. You have to pay attention and feed it just like any relationship! It is not one-sided! It takes effort on both sides…. Those same friends are the ones who are there to share all of the joys and celebrations too.
One of the things I have had to come to terms with is “out of sight, out of mind”. People do not mean to forget you, but they do because you are not there. They go on with their lives and make new friends and you make new friends and there is no malice involved. It is just the way of the world. I also appreciate that my mindfulness of friendships is a foreign concept to most. Everyone gets so busy with their lives that time passes and suddenly it is years later and you haven’t seen or heard from someone in months. No one is mad at anyone else, it just happens. The hard part is not getting your feelings hurt when someone moves away or you are the one who left and no one stays in touch. So the solution? Just make new friends where you are, put forth the effort to the ones who are close by now and understand that everyone goes on with their lives and cherish the time you have together because for everything there is a season. The ones from the past are missing out on someone who was their friend all along…