Writing is sometimes like crying. If there has been an event in your life where tears should be shed, sometimes I will hold on to them and not let them fall. It’s not that I don’t want anyone to see me cry because I do not have that great of a hold on my emotions. But if I am trying to be strong for someone else I will do my best not to fall apart in their presence. I will hold on to them until the “time is right” and then I will have my “cry” and be done with it. I do have a fear that if I ever do start crying I will not be able to make the tears stop. I will not be able to take the control back, and I will be seen as weak and unable to be the strength someone else may need.
The greatest laid plans and all that….you know? When the tears do come, it is never planned. Try as I might, I cannot turn them off and on like a faucet. I can’t turn my feelings off and on either. I think that is a good thing but can be a fine line. One should not let their emotions control their life. You have to throw SOME practical thinking in there as well. I am pretty good at taking care of business, THEN fall apart later. But for some reason, it never happens at a convenient time. Although I have dealt with the death of people close to me, I have never lost a child, husband, or best friend. I have lost a wonderful stepdad who will forever be a part of my thought process and two extraordinary grandparents and their deaths were hard. But that all consuming loss of someone who is part of your daily life and your soul? Not yet….. I will not even try to predict what that will be like for me. I pray it is a long LONG time before I know.
So, back to writing. I feel the same way about it. I have all this “stuff” bottled up inside and when I do sit down and write I have a small fear that comes into play. What if I start writing and I can’t stop?? I know that sounds irrational but I think I have some delusional part of my mind that says it is supposed to be organized, thoughtful, planned and a great story. That is not always the case as so many of you can testify. I guess my fear is writing gobbledygook that doesn’t make sense and is pure garbage. No one wants to read that! *sigh*
I used to love going into a bookstore. I could walk around in there for hours. I love the smell of the printed pages and the different ways book are bound. The beautiful covers and the colors used are amazing no matter what is inside. I always marvel at what authors and publishers choose to put on the outside. They are designed (most of the time) to entice the potential reader to pick THEIR book up to read based solely on what is on the cover. But as the saying goes…”You can’t always judge a book by its cover”! Now when I walk around in a bookstore I get intimidated. I think to myself, “Look at all these books. People have put so much time and effort into them and they are published. Someone actually buys these and reads what is in them. What in the world could I say that hasn’t been said before or would anyone want to read?”
I’m in a writing slump….obviously. I have been writing some, I just don’t have anything I am willing to share on here. I love to read the poetry and prose of my fellow bloggers. I know better than to think it all comes so easily for you guys. I’m not that naive. But it does seem easier for some of you than others. Thank you for sitting down and making the time to share with us your thoughts, beautiful quotes and photographs. They are a part of my morning and I so appreciate all of you!! And thank you for reading to the bottom…. I hope it was worth it. 🙂