What part of NO do you not understand? The NNN or the OOO part??
No doesn’t REALLY mean no..right? It is the point with which you start to negotiate! Well, at least that is what some people think. These are the lawyers and successful negotiators out there. Our daughter being one of those people! LOL! But when she heard no (most of the time) she knew I meant it!! That child can argue with the best of them but a reasonable explanation was enough (again…most of the time…not always!!)
We have done a pretty good job raising our daughter (I think). Sometimes it is hard to tell how much of what we say actually got through, but it does seem she listened some of the time. At 25, she is not where I thought she would be, but she is where she needs to be at the moment. She is doing a pretty good job being a grown up now and I am proud of her:-) I see her applying things we have taught her to situations she finds herself in and it gives me some hope and clarity. I just wish she didn’t have to always learn the hard way. However, she does think for herself and her negotiation skills have been honed, so that is a plus!
Far be it for me to give parental advice but one thing we did learn was to be as consistent as possible and follow through on everything we said. We didn’t always do this and that is why I can tell you how important it is. Hind vision is always 20/20….. Do not make threats unless you intend to keep them and you should certainly always reward something when you say you will do that too. So if you “threaten” to spank a child when you get home, then you should spank them. If you tell them they will receive $5 for every A on their report card, then give it to them. And always mean NO when you say NO! And only say yes, when you mean yes……. There are few things in life that can cause as much insecurity as the inability to believe anything someone says. It is the foundation that teaches our children trust for the rest of their life.
Once upon a time when our daughter was about 8, she had a friend over. They had asked to do something and I can’t remember now what it was, but I had said no. I usually had to offer an explanation because a simple “because I said so” NEVER! EVER! worked with her! Not even when she was very small. That is what happens when you have an intelligent child who actually thinks for themselves. Simple answers simply do not work!
A short time later, I overhear this conversation:
“Did you ask your mom?” the friend said.
“Yes, I asked her” said the daughter.
“What did she say?”
“She said no”
“Go ask her again!”
“I’m not going to ask her again. She said no the first time and my mom doesn’t change her mind!”
I had to clap both hands over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud! I was so happy and even though this conversation happened 17 years ago I can hear it in my head as if it were yesterday.
Sometimes………..they really do listen! 🙂
Question: When was the last time you said exactly what you meant and meant what you said??